ive shifted to tumblr cause i got bored with onsugar, and im not updating in blogger anymore! for url please ask me thanks bb :D

i am ALREADY over you, but why does it feel so hard to push out even a word?
'A' talked to him awhile with a group. i had nothing to stay so i stayed aside, looking and trying to direct my attention towards random stuff like bus stop posts. after he went off in a taxi, she turned to me:

"i thought you already forgot about him?"

my mind was in a blur... i could only answer back a "too awkward"
shouldnt be awkward what. if it was then how come when i still was in the middle of trying to get over him i could wave towards his direction?
maybe we're supposed to stay in this state, treat it as if we never knew each other at all, and wait til theres another chance to "meet" again. or something.

ahhhhh crap i didnt want that to happen.....
i mean, he was a nice friend to start with. and as you know losing a friend through this way really hurts a lot
or maybe i was deluding myself. maybe i didnt forget him at all. the crush to help me forget was probably what it was; just a crush.

i'm having very mixed feelings now and i feel very sad.
i promised myself just a week ago i would never cry over that idiot again but now?
i'm on the verge of losing control of my tears.

how did we get here?
i used to know you so well

i had excess time so decided to go for an unplanned bus ride round the neighbourhood
you know within 40 mins on that bus ive been thinking about a lot of things.

on that bus i remembered how much ive always adorned you, how much i adored you. the very 5 months ago was a very happy time for me but too bad it ended out as how it started. really fast. so many questions burned through my mind. so many thoughts i pondered over. i kept asking myself what i did wrong for you to leave. for you to fade away. i also could remember how i asked you to give me your hand and held it while thinking that you would be the guy i really wanted to be with for a lifetime. turned out? you were someone i didnt know in a flash. after everything i figured you were actually not the guy you were supposed to be. over the 3 month period, all the crying ambushed nights made me tired. i didnt want to do this anymore. whats the use crying over someone who would play a girl's weak heart over and over again? i bet you knew but you didnt give a shit. while tears streamed down like two riverbanks ive secretly hoped you would suddenly appear in the window pane, outside my door... or talk to me over the computer. i wanted your reassurance. i wanted your company.

i realised after everything i looked back and it wasnt worth my whole time at all. ive spent so much changing myself over someone i barely knew... but thought i knew very well.
im glad another guy came along..... although i know i cant have him, at least i'll feel happier having feelings for him. i dont have to cry every night anymore. those were replaced with texts that liked to ask me for company, a brain for his problems. at least im occupied. at least i know that even if he knew, we're still good and strong friends just as ever.

bye, 9.

didnt sleep for very long yesterday. woke up at about 12pm to the sound of closed doors.
i hope it will rain today. i like to do my homework facing a rainy window.
now you know why whenever it would be raining the previous day you'd find my homework all completed?
and when it is bloody sunny you will find i would have touched nothing.
what a weird mentality lol

too bad the rainy season lies only after eoys over. le sigh!
these two days ive been talking to very distant friends....
brix and yenfun
brixxeh was yesterday. havent been talking to him cause our timezones are timelessly different.
he stays in like where... guatemala?
hahahaha his DA account has super cute comics i tell you :3
and i remember last time when i was in SA.net forums i had a big crush on him but failed to tell anybody :D

oh yes and i saw yenfun today!
she said i pretty liao. omg shy. and as usual i didnt not believe her heh
but no matter how pretty i try to be i will never ever touch her prettiness
tell you ah as time goes by she become more and more chio
and she was with her boyfriend i think hehehe
and her brother
just below my block! and somemore that was after i fell down zZzZ

and ya i fell down today when i reached the bottom floor. tsk the two hokkien accented uncles were like
"why you never see ahead of you!" (in chinese) walao getting to sound like limpeh
there are like bloody dots on my hand, and two more dots on my kneecap.
looks more like ive been bitten by something instead of falling down lol
but the experience was wa. quite shiok. i havent fell in like this year so badly.
wait a minute. i fell a lot of times already leh this year
im quite ditzy and super clumsy so mind me hahahaha
everytime i'll need someone by my side to lift me up
hahahaha that will explain the neverending number of marks at my legs

sooner one of these days im gonna like compile all my stupid blog entries into one blog and treat those as archives.
im not gonna have so many blogs cause its getting infuriating after a while.
yeah soon im gonna be completely done with blogger.

those very texts....
only between you and me. only. no one else.
i dont know how to feel.... dont know if i can cry out loud.... but a secret is a secret.
cant understand why.

okay so this is my agenda for tomorrow cause for the whole weekend i've been doing NOTHING:

• DO SCIENCE PROJECT MODEL. or otherwise die the next day
• brush up on my chinese compositions. no time to lose!!
• get ahead with a bit of math. shabby results all the way this year..

• dig in my history text for the test later on the week.

let's hope i stick to what i wanna do, otherwise i'm gonna be cooked for the rest of the week.
yeah and i think i shall catch a bit of sleep, gotta wake up a tad earlier tomorrow

havent heard from you in what seems like ages.
to you it's a normal thing cause that's a pretty routine thing between us but to me.....